Darrick Robles In other circumstances
When their partner announces their pregnancy, men often feel left out – the thought of a baby seems too abstract to them at first. Especially those who are expecting a child for the first time often need a while to get used to the changed situation. It helps many men to get into action and to focus on things that they can shape themselves. In this way, they can set the course for a harmonious family life even before the birth.
Recommendations for pregnancy support
When it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, the father-to-be is by no means just a marginal figure. His main task is to stand by his wife or girlfriend – an active role that requires a lot of commitment and sensitivity. The advice below can serve as a guide for “pregnant men”. They have proven themselves many times in practice.
By the way: Of course, children are also carried to term and born in homosexual partnerships. Accordingly, the tips given here also apply to women who want to support their pregnant partner in the best possible way, as well as to couples who support the surrogate mother during pregnancy. For the sake of simplicity, men are used throughout.
Tip 1: Enjoy togetherness
Once the baby is here, there is little opportunity for that, and maybe for years. So spend as much time as possible with your partner, go out with her, organize a picnic or invite her to go shopping. A relaxing holiday for two is also a good idea, even towards the end of pregnancy.
Tip 2: Support your partner emotionally
When hormones take over during pregnancy, it can be nerve-wracking for both men and women. But right now you should take your partner seriously and be there for her. Of course, it’s not always easy to hit the right note. With good listening, a lot of attention and an extra portion of understanding, however, a lot can be gained.
Tip 3: Quit smoking
Smoking during pregnancy is an absolute no-go – for both parents. Nicotine is poison for the unborn child. And even if it’s not you carrying the baby: Your partner smokes passively with you. So: No more fags! This is also an act of solidarity if your partner also quits smoking during pregnancy. For tips on quitting smoking, see our article on becoming and staying non-smokers .
Tip 4: Provide practical help
In addition to encouragement and understanding, your partner will certainly appreciate help in the household, regardless of how much the physical limitations that pregnancy entails. Your job now is to relax and not overdo it. So if shopping, tidying up and cleaning weren’t on your to-do list before, now’s the time to put some effort into it.
Tip 5: Keep having sex
Many a man fears hurting his pregnant wife or unborn child during sex or possibly causing a premature birth. In healthy women and a normal pregnancy, however, this concern is usually unfounded. Your gynecologist can tell you whether this is not advisable for individual medical reasons. Of course, especially in the last months of pregnancy, not every position is possible without any problems. Now preference should be given to comfortable positions such as the spoon position.
Tip 6: Get the right thing
You’ll be surprised how much equipment such a tiny baby needs – and how much it costs. Don’t wait until the 9th month to buy. But don’t get too carried away by the wide range. The best way to find out which purchases really make sense is to talk to people who are already parents. You may also be able to take one or the other of them used.
Tip 7: Do organizational things
Frightening but true: Even before a child is born, there is an incredible amount of paperwork to do. You take a lot off your partner’s shoulders when you take care of things like parental, child, and maternity support. You should also find out in good time about topics such as registering the birth, acknowledgment of paternity and the necessary insurance for your child.
Tip 8: Prepare for the birth
Every birth is different. Nevertheless, it is good if you, as the father-to-be, have an approximate impression of the typical course of a birth. A childbirth class can ensure that you walk into the delivery room calm and informed, and that you don’t panic if there are (or perceived) complications.
Tip 9: Prepare for the child
Man(n) grows with his tasks. And fathers also do a lot of things intuitively right when their child is there. Nevertheless, it doesn’t hurt to practice a few basics in advance, such as how to professionally wrap a baby. Now is also time for the nest building, i.e. the renovation and furnishing of the children’s room. You should do the painting for your partner, keyword: toxic fumes!
Tip 10: Maintain friendships
This is also important, because after the birth of your child it will definitely become more difficult to find time for the pub crawl with your buddies or to train regularly in the sports club. Now is the chance to do that. Meeting up with friends can be a good counterbalance to the sometimes stressful preparations for the birth.
Pregnancy symptoms in men
Yes, there is: Some men empathize so strongly with their pregnant partner that they also show various signs of pregnancy. One then speaks of Couvade syndrome (from the French couver for hatching). The man can gain weight and suffer from nausea, vomiting and mood swings. The belly can also grow. It is not yet clear whether this phenomenon is purely psychological or whether it has hormonal causes.
Enjoy the time
Ideally, pregnancy should be a time of anticipation and joie de vivre – for both partners. But what if you don’t feel that way and are having a hard time identifying with your upcoming new role? If the stress becomes too great, you should seek help. There are many counseling services specifically for fathers-to-be. Your doctor can point you to the right places here.
